feelings

what i'm feeling now may just be FEELINGS..
but i'm not sure to trust these feelings...
what i'm feeling right now is betrayed, cheated, paranoid, sad, tears are just hanging by the corner of my eyes...
could it be that i'm just lonely?
could it be that i've used to mingle there and not here?
goodness...
i'm never like this..
never used to be like this..
i used to be sensible and i believe in loyalty..
now, it just seemed that every word is a lie..
what should i do?
how is the best way to deal with this?
i don't want things to go out of control than i know the truth...
even if the truth is revealed..
how sure am i that it is not just another lie?
these days lies are often told than the truth..
it is fond by majority of people..
white lies? its also a lie..
i don't believe if its a lie for something good..
a lie is a lie..
no difference..
how i wish i have the ability to read minds and hearts..
so i would if my feelings are true or i'm just being paranoid..
damn..
i am confused.. hmmm

not even will do us part.

Lying down in your arms,
I never wanna get up,
I just wanna feel you close to me,
Play and tease your hair,

Cuddle up on your couch,
Watch our favorite movie on TV,
Tickle my feet with yours,
Kiss my forehead and tell me you love me,

I let you go before,
I was filled up with jealousy and anger,
I was suffering inside & reached a point where i hate you,
But deep inside I missed you & baby I need you,

I want you baby,
I need you every now and then,
You mean so much to me,
I'm never gonna let you go again,

I'm thankful that you came back,
I'm thankful for what you've did,
I'm thankful that He opened my heart again,
I'm grateful we are together once more,

Every night before I close my eyes,
I bow down my head and pray,
That every morning when I wake up,
You'll be there lying next to me,

I promise you this,
You have my heart,
You have my soul,
I love you & I'll never let you go,

I can't do this alone baby,
Please promise to me too,
You'll never let me go,
That we'll be together forever,

Lets make a solemn vow,
Never to leave each other's side,
I'm yours baby,
Not even death will do us part.

I love you.

Dedicated to Busi Busi.

don't let me do this alone

hmmm... i don't know.. i just... hmmm.. i just feel so empty inside...

Just appreciate.

this month has been an eye opening month for me.. other than being admitted into Kuching Specialist for kidney infection for 5 torturing and suffering days, i've learned that in life things are unpredictable and cruel and amazing at the same time.. overall its a fucking mess.. what we can do to make life a lil bit easier is to just appreciate.. appreciate what u have.. now i appreciate my kidneys more! dnt always be whining and complaining about the things u dont hv.. it doesnt matter.. material or people.. but most importantly what and who u should appreciate in ur life are the people who loves u.. these are the people u shud not ever ever ever ever forget to tell them u love them or u miss them or u r thinking about them.. ok.. if u dont know who these people are, let me gve u a hint.. ok, this people who u shud appreciate are that, they are always there;
1) when u r healthy or sick
2) when u r happy or sad
3) when there is a need for a punching bag
4) when u r being an asshole
5) when the world turn its back on u...
sound familiar? well, to me, these people are my family.. the blood which is running through my veins.. which keeps my heart beating for 20 long years..
bk0z life is unpredictable.. u never know when they will be taken away from u forever.. dont wait till its too late to tell smeone u love dat u care for them and how much they really mean to u..

Appreciate what u have

Home

Tik tik tok tik tik tok
the sound of the clock
the time is moving
but kinda disturbing
its so darn slow i cant tolerate
it makes my heart ache
im impatient for the soon to come
it makes me wanna drown
i want to feel the familiar breeze
the feeling so genuine my happiness increase
the familiar arms that take me in n hug me close
who never left me alone behind close doors
home here i come in 2 hours time
soon i'll be there by the clock strikes nine
dont be late coz i missed my roots
also coz i cant stand anymore in these boots
i dont need no flowers neither do presents
jz be there for me i don't want absents
can't wait for the familiar smile who wears no mask
from the person who loves me without questions asked
home home home my sweet sweet home
even when i'm far away i am never alone
see you when i see you
we do have a lot of catching up to do... ;-)

FINALLY!!

ok.. imagine having to wait for like almost a month for something when u knw u hv everything ready! damn im sooooo darn happy!! XD i wud like to thank Daddy n Mama for making this possible... n to a special person who is ready to run up n down for me.. n for diz thing i hv been die-ing to posses n lay my hands on.... :)

Memories which can't be erased!

Out and about wid my bestfriends these 2 days

Carol, Fabian & Sin Tiew

Well, dats just 1 out of 3 of our group

most of them are probably busy or not around

1st day, we went to visit 7 houses!!

imagine.. 7 houses in a day..

goodness!

can u spot me? haha

and the 2nd day, we visited the crocodile farm

its been long since i went there

and we also went to marina bay n other places too!

mmmm~ so fun...

jz being wid friends n having fun...

these type of friends cannot be replaced...

and memories which cant be erased...

love dem to bits!

Sunday.V-day.CNY

Its Sunday

Its V-day

Its CNY

I'm wearing RED! :D

dressed for the occasion...

except for the cap

it was in the shop, it looked cute so i tried it on and snap a pict! :D
Went to church around 11am..

den went to walk around in Parkson...

lots of flowers n teddies for sale~

cute cute ones...

Awww~

den bought an LV sling bag!! love it to bits!

den cme bck home

watched thailand horror movie

den nw im afraid to sleep alone! haha

oh well.. dats hw i spent my Sunday..

happy V-day ppl~

tke cre n gdnyte!

Valentine's Special : Babyface ft De'sree - Fire

Youre riding in my car
I turn on the radio
Im pulling you closer
But you keep tellin me no
You say you dont like it
But I know youre a liar
cause when we kiss
Ooh...

Fire

Late at night
Youre taking me home
You say you wanna stay
But I want you to go
Say I dont love you
But you know Im a liar
cause when we kiss
Ooh...

Fire

You had a hold on me right from the start
A grip so tight I couldnt tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin actin like a fool
Your kisses might burn
But my heart stays cool

Were Romeo and Juliet
Sampson and Delilah
Baby you can bet
They were burnin with desire
If I say split
Then you know that Id be lying
cause when we kiss
Ooh...

Fire

When we kiss
Im on fire
Your tenderness
Gives me desire
I cant resist
Your tender lips
When we kiss
Ooh...

Fire

When we kiss
Im on fire
Your tenderness
Gives me desire
I cant resist
Your tender lips
When we kiss
Ooh...

Fire

Fairytale Endings

When I was 6

I used to think love was like Cinderella's

Impossible but yet her dreams came true

Watched Snow White since I was 1

Fascinated and amazed

By how true love kiss can bring a girl back to life

My real journey started when I was 15

When I got my first kiss in the back seat of a car

I was scared but it felt heavenly

I feel like the world was mine

Soon it came crashing down like hard bricks

When I knew he wasn't that into me

I stopped believing in fairytale endings

The very first time I shed a tear because of love

He caught my attention

When he picked me up from an emotional breakdown

He dusted me and bring me back to life

Been in an on off relationship with him

Like a switch on a cracked wall

leading to a ticking bomb

It finally blew up when I caught him cheating on me

Putting Joy's number under a boy's name

I stopped believing in fairytale endings

The very first time I shed a tear because of love

He was funny and smells great

He was my girlfriend's bestfriend

We met the 1st time at the benches

I can't stop thinking about him

We became friends and talked all night

When we are far from each other

We miss the company

There is when I knew I was in love with him

But wishes never come true

Always breaking the promises he makes

I got tired

I can't stand it

I stopped believing in fairytale endings

The very first time I shed a tear because of love

It's not wrong to believe in fairytale endings

Just remember to apply it to the real world

Be in love but always be rational

Go crazy but keep your sanity

To me fairytale endings are best told in books

Not in real life

Relationship is like teeth!

here is my weird methodology about relationships...

mmmmm....

relationship is kinda like teeth..

if u don't take good care of a relationship...

it will go hair wire...

likeeeee teeth..

if u don't brush it and clean and tke care of it...

u'll have cavities!

when u don't pay attention to ur shaky relationship

it'll soon break down slowwwwwly~

also like teeth...

when u don't pay attention the holes in ur teeth

and jz let it be

it will pain like hell and it'll rot! worst than migrain!

when it rots and can't be save...

not even root canal or wadever surgery...

same goes to ur relationship...

u hv to yank it out and its over for u and ur damn teeth!

fake teeth? mmmmmm.... sounds like a second chance....

second chance are like ticking bombs...

so better take good care of wad u hv...

don't go spoil it...

don't tke anything for granted...

appreciate wad u hv and love it wid all ur heart...

Plastered My Broken Heart With a Plastic Smile

here is a story u can feast on

two love story which is long gone

both different tale but similar tingling vibe

sit down and sink your teeth in 1/4 of my life

here goes the 1st tale

met him at this bbq

we shared the love for cats

he looked so great with his dudes

girl, the kind of feeling when you spot the perfect dress

u know what i mean

i'll let u figure out the rest

we text he called everyday

never get bored even when he just called to say hye

my bff Jue told me i was in love

coz she saw me dancing like a fool

laughing and giggling to myself though it ain't cool

i was happy soooo on cloud 7 8 9

told me he misses me

told me he loved me

asked me on a date i'll never forget

met up in town

when i saw him in the distance

i felt like my whole world was turned upside down

went to the movies for our 1st date

showed off his left dimple

pinch him on his tummy which made him twitched

had a principal of my own

"I never kiss a guy on the first date"

it just felt so right

i gave in, lean back in his arms

it felt divine

i never wanted the date to be over

he gave me a kiss on the hand

waved goodbye and gone from my sight

it was our 1st and our last

it didn't last long like how i expected

2 3 weeks passed

in a blink of an eye all the love turned to dust

i was heart broken all inside out

since then no one can sweep me off my feet

i can feel my whole body crumbles

damn, i was broken

ready for my 2nd story?

it happened recently

but my feelings for him was forever

French called it Noel

An alternative word for Christmas

Never thought I could ever have this feeling for him again

Liked him since the 1st time i saw him

Was young by then

Thought it was just a childhood crush

Seriously, i never thought i liked him this way

A feeling i recognize

The feeling that was long gone

Which i thought was lost for good

He told me he was insecure

Told him he has everything

He has nothing be be afraid of

Had our moments

I'd do anything and everything to see him

Hugged him at the strike 0f new year just to feel him near

Dyed his hair just to touch his hair

I'd give in everything for him

But I guess I wasn't his type

Should I just forget him

and let this thought slide?

The way I see things

It is not meant to be

Maybe God has much better plan for me

But all the things he does is so sweet

They blow me away, sweep me off my feet

Damn, he was a real treat

Now you see

I do get hurt as much as u

I'd take it all in and hold it in

Take it as a compass to my next journey

Further into the future

My life is full of agony

Just that I swallow it all in and cover it all up

Plastered my broken heart with a plastic smile

Used to act tough

But now I really am

Thank you for the pain

Now I've gained

Something precious even money can't buy

Something so rare not even written in books

Last night, I sat in my room

Thinking

Confused

The tears i've cried

The angers that i've screamed

Enough!

I'm done

Everyday is Valentine's Day

Days are flying

Streets are lined up with flower booths

In the spirit for Saint Valentines Day

If Valentine's was only on the 14th

Then there is no love the whole year except for February

V-day is to celebrate affection and love between intimate companions

but to me

V-day is to celebrate affection and love with all the people u care..

not only between intimate companions..

Scratch that if u will!

So, don't get all down and blue if u dont hv a date

or not receiving a heart shaped box

or a bouquet of roses

Just get up on ur ass

Pick up the phone

Plan a day out wid some ur friends

Who doesnt seem to have a date too...

Cheer up!

U can hv a date anytime other than V-day

V-day is just like other normal days

Just that u see couples around

Wearing the same coloured tops

and a bouquet of flower in a lady's arm

maybe the 1st time u see a guy looking so clean and sleek! ;)

Happy Valentine's Day people!

Don't forget to tell those people u care about that

YOU LOVE THEM!

hug them

kiss them

be extra nice (alwys be extra nice)

be sweet and maybe give some sweets!

Take Care ppl...

Lots of Love,

Daphne

What got me go.. Awwwwwwwwww~

Went to Betty's pet shop earlier today

to buy Lakin's & Loki's food..

n I saw the cutest thing..

a maltese mix shih tzu pup!! goodness me....

she was so adorable..

so tiny....

well this is not the actual pup i saw...

bt it looked like diz..

looooook at dat face...

gggrrrr!~

im in loveee~

i gotta hav diz lil baby...

i dnt care hw..

wadever it is...

i will have this adorable angel~

Pay my broken heart with your sufferings

Clock is ticking

Glanced over at my bedside alarm clock

I sigh heavily

Wishing that the left side of my bed wasn't empty

Dust covering

Spiders having awesome parties next to me

Creepy I know

Lonely for sure

There is nothing I can do

You did what you did
I forgive you

But I can't love you

Tried, still I can't

I don't lick what I've spat

A broken vase cannot be perfect

Marks and dent everywhere

Hard as corals

but soft as wool

Rebellious as the monsoon

but soft as the morning breeze

That's who I am

I'm easy to please but hard to give out trust

Once broken considered sold

Pay my broken heart with your sufferings

I just can't love you anymore.

C'est La Vie

Waking up to the sounds of disturbed heart

Sat up at the edge of my bed for 5 minutes

Wondering why life is difficult

Its full of mystery and its a jigsaw puzzle

Nothing ever turns out to be how u want it to be

It either turn out to be bad

or if u are lucky

It might turn out to be how u wished it would be

C'est la vie said Uncle Mike

Qui, je sais says I

Frankly, I haven't have a clue why it is like that

I wonder how life is if its easy

Well, here is what i think it would be

It'll be boring

No excitement

So predictable

U jz know what is going to happen round the next corner

Everyone is the same!

PREDICTABILITY

Jeez.. It'll be sooo damn boring

So I am thankful for my life

I've been through sad times n happy times

Sweet love and breakups

Loyalty and betrayals

Met so many good people and not so pleasent ones

This has taught me a lot about how real life would be

No more fairytales or happy endings

U cant have everything u want like wad u did wid ur doll house

Life is a mystery

Gotta be careful and think before u leap

Or u'll end up behind the wrong door.

Troubled

damn...

seriously i feel like hell...

so many things in my head...

n in my heart...

nothing seemed to be possible..

all i need now is Him...

i can feel myself breaking down piece by piece...

i am strong... tough like corals...

but sometimes i get tired...

wen i get tired, i jz break down...

slowly gone...

nothing seemed to be right...

i hope this is only the beginning of the year...

and soon it'll be owkey...

dealing wid all types of shit..

from inside the house and outside!

fuck!!!!

the world is really giving me lemons..

i bet dey r planting lemon trees for me...

i alrdy hv a lot in my basket...

n i hvnt found all the ingredients to turn it all into lemonades...

goodness me...

God, help me...

1st Post for 2010

happy new year!!~ 2010...

oh well.. its february... haha too late for that...

i jz remembered i had a blog...

its jz a place for me to let out somethings i cnt do in life..

mmmmm well not really...

hahah.. jz some nonsense dat i would love the world to gossip about... :D:D

owkey.. my year started awesome!!

did things i never thought i had the guts too...

likeeeeeee..... killing a cockcroach wid my bare feet... euw!

dat i still cnt get over it...

hahaha...

broke up wid my bf....

n i've been single for like a month n 5 days...

seriously, honestly, the longest ive been single is for jz 2-3 days?

i dnt like to get lonely...

i love being loved n love to love..!~ dats me....

bt den now, i jz feel like taking a verrrryy loooooooong break from giving out love...

i jz want to love myslf...

bk0z i feel like i hvnt been able to do so for a long time....

what i found out about being single is dat i hv a lot of advantages...

1. i can do wadever i wnt without hurting anybody..

2. i dont hv to worry about other ppl's needs except for my family's

3. i dnt hv to check my phone everytime for texts..!

4. this doesnt seem to change though, my bills are still sky high.. haha weird...

but to be honest

being single is hard..

for me dat is...

i am a vry passionate person n i love to be sweet~

i love to mke ppl happy... especially d ones i love...

n i especially love to be hug!! i loveeeeee hugs!

hahaha....

on the bright side...

i still hv my friends.. i can always love dem..

.i can always hug dem....

wadever happens in my life...

i'll always know i hv my friends and family...

i love them so much...!

wad the heck...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

HAPPY CHINESSE NEW YEAR!!

&

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY...

Wid love,

Daphne