end up disappointed..

i dnt noe.. sometimes i feel like i don't matter that much.. almost everytime we meet nw, i feel disappointed.. i dnt noe y... eventhough he has helped me so much financially.. but then its still not enuf.. im not trying to be a brat but what is not enuf is his attention.. i dnt gv a shit about the money or wadever shit he buys me.. i jz want his attention! everytime we r together, there is must be something.. there is always something comes up..! i dnt noe.. maybe i dnt show him much love or attention.. but.. i m trying my best.. i always mke sure that he is happy... give him wad he wnts... i dnt noe.. but i feel like i dnt matter that much to him... dats hw i feel.. n dats from my point of view.. i dnt know about from his point of view.. i am trying everything i can to do to get his attention and spend time wid him before i go bck miri for my 3 months holiday.. bk0z wen the holiday starts, it'll be 3 months i won't get to c him.. dats hard 4 me... i love him wid all my heart. and i try my very best to let him noe dat i do... but stil i feel it isnt enuf.. hmmmm....

gotta get things done!

dammit man.... i havnt done much for my course... shit shit shit.. packaging for design studies is due next week.. TUESDAY!!! n i hvnt even confirm d design and print it out... goodness me.... perghhh.. den i hv 11 interior drawing... den i hv 9 drawings for mr.greg's klaz due the week after next week.. shit man.. den i hv another assignmnt coming up for graphic design.. dammit!!! i gotta get things done.. if not... im really in deep shit! oh ya.. englisshhh... fuck man! i m all packed.. help me~ :(

day and night..

day and night..

its different...

the colors...

the situation and the environment...

the feelings u feel wen its day light its more to fun and cheerful..

but night...

u'll feel scared, alone and lonely wen u hv no one...

hmmm...

dats hw i feel wen its night time...

i hv no friends to hang out with...

n life is so much harder..

i cry most of the time...

but i try to stay stronger...

i noe the reason y i m away...

to have a bright future...

hmmm...

but how can have a bright future...

wen its dark, she loses her grip...

and fall into the darkness...

hmmm...

day and night...

even the stars are having more fun than me...

wad m i gonna do?

life is hard wen u r alone...

alone in ur room..

staring at nothing...

its scary...

will i also live this way wen im old?

damn...

it scares me...

day and night...

two different views...

so contrast with each other...

Please, i beg you..

my head is pounding,

my hands are cold,

tears are rolling down my cheeks,

my eyes are red,

my knees are weak,

the feeling of hatred keeps coming,

why does this happen to me?

what did i do wrong?

i am not perfect,

only God Himself is whole and perfect,

please don't let this love fade away,

i am starting to feel the emptiness,

the loneliness and alone,

it feels so dark on my side,

i wish i could go back to the place where it used to be bright,

hmmm....

i keep on sighing every second i think of it,

this heart couldn't take it any longer,

my tears are getting dry,

my lips are tired of calling out your name,

please tell me this is gonna stop,

tell me that you are gonna change,

please i beg you bring me back into the light,

i don't want to be in the dark anymore,

i suffer,

i feel alone and lonely,

come back please,

don't leave me alone,

stop these tears,

stop all this before it fades away completely,

i don't want it to go,

it felt so wonderful when it flows through my veins,

i wanna taste it again,

i love how it feels when everything is okey,

i love how love feels,

its wonderful and painful at the same time,

i'll risk it all for just that wonderful feeling again,

please bring it back,

i don't want to feel the pain,

it hurts it pierce deep into my heart,

please please please i beg you...

leave wad is mine alone..!

i dnt noe wads going on.. my body and soul is aching.. i feel like letting go.. i cant anymore.. my hands are shaking wen i think of it.. is it so hard to have sme1 i 1 just for my own?!?!?! for as long as i can rmmbr, all my life, there is always sme1 else who also wants wad i hv.. y can't dey just leave me alone in peace..?????? wad do dey wnt me to do??? act like a dog n piss to mark my territory???? fuck off! get your own.. y mess wid mine???????? everyone has a limit.. wen it has jumped over the fucking limit.. u will not want to live anymore.. u will regret the fucking day u were born! i dnt noe wad dey call this.. teenage problem or wad ever shit u call it.. but this is too much!! this is bullshit..!! seriously, bullshit..!! i have my rights.. i have my every motherfuckin' rights ok?!

fuck wad in the world do u dnt understand?! wad is mine is mine! put fucked up self in my shoes, how wud u feel wen ppl are all over wads urs?!?! if u r happy about it, u must be out of ur fucking mind! u r fucking crazy! everyone has their limits.. i have a limit.. i keep it in till it reaches boils and ready to burst..! wen it does, i'll be cruel beyond anything u can imagine!!!!